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After my first date in a year ended in disaster, I spoke to other fortysomething women — and a psychologist — to learn what they could teach me about running the gauntlet of romance. L ast week, I pushed myself to go on the first date I have had in a year. In this case, it flung back a guy who lied on his dating profile about his age, used a photo that looked 15 years out of date and told me a bizarre story about how he had done time on a chicken farm because the prisons in his native country were too full — all, and this was the really confusing bit, for a crime he did not commit. But women in their 40s are likely to have run the gauntlet of hope, heart-sinks and uncertainty that are part of the dating trajectory, from traditional meet-ups to the rise of the planet of the apps. My process of natural deselection is trawling hundreds of profiles that pass in a blur of torso selfies, confusing group photos and grinning men in their 50s holding out large fish this choice of profile picture is one of the many mysteries of online dating.

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If trial and error sounds stressful, take Novo's guidance: If you have "stranger danger" Bumble is great, because it allows you to make the first move, she says.

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If all that swiping starts to feel overwhelming, shut it down. One way to do that is to constantly explore new hobbies and interests. So, how do you know which apps are best for you? So we spoke to a handful of dating coaches and relationship experts for their best tips for dating after Read on, but don't forget: Being on your own is just finetoo. If you date in a way that feels right for you, you'll be more successful.

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The stakes can feel higher when dating in your 40s and beyond, says McMillan. That way, she says, "you'll have exciting things to discuss on a date, whether it's travel plansthe latest restaurant, or even new places and activities going on in your city. Your Best Life. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano. You will connect with another person as the true you. While Aunt Debbie may have some wisdom, we'd rather leave it to the pros.

Modern guide to dating after 50

Before saying "see ya never," ask yourself if the person has other qualities that might be worth another look. Intuitive dating coach Nikki Novo says this is a common mistake. Related Story. It provides an opening that many younger people miss out on. Whether you just left a bad marriage, or have been in the dating world for decades, it makes sense to feel like it's your turn to find love.

The best dating advice for finding love after 40

But if you like to be pursued, she recommends Match. To stop history from repeating itself, Moore recommends finding ways to heal, whether that means going to a therapist or doing some soul-searching. Are excuses like 'I don't like how their apartment smells,' really deal-breakers? So use the confidence that comes with age to your advantage. If you like to dance, ski or go on walks with your dog, mention that.

Eldad recommends searching Linkedin for a dating coach that melds with your personality, is ICF certified that stands for International Coaching Federationand has a proven track record. More From Your Best Life.

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She recommends replacing your doubts with optimism. If you know right away whether your first date is worthy of a second, you're setting yourself up for failure. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below.

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In short, "don't fake your age, height, or anything else for that matter," she says. Type keyword s to search.

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Think of your frustration like a blizzard—it will do nothing but delay the delivery. And for those who feel most comfortable knowing there's a social connection, she likes likes Hinge because it matches based on common friends. In fact, a lot of people over 40 miss dating IRL, according to Novo, who says her clients have the most success when they hang out at places that make them feel goodlike a bar that plays their favorite music, at a cozy independent coffee shop, or by ing a running or fitness community—if that's your thing.

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When you're wondering if your smile lines are stopping Mr. Relationship expert Dr. Juliana Morris says love connections at an older age can be even more profound. Sunny Joy McMillan, relationship expert and author of Unhitchedagrees.

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Just like a trainer at the gym helps you push yourself, a dating coach kicks your love life into shape. But Ettin helped reframe it as a positive.

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When you're done being patient You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. So, if you think you may be interested in someone, you shouldn't hesitate to be the first one to initiate a conversation, or ask that person out—or even go for the kiss. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses.

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But that cynicism is only working against you. It's safe to assume most people have something they're struggling with.